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Forgotten Portraits

by NadNavillus

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1.
On a cool morning of false rain, cruel and complicit when the low and shameless gray sky refuses to shed tears, our rusting spades bite chunks from the hard red clay. We make slow but steady progress, as if the iron earth will refuse him too. ’Bout halfway down to the Promised Land, having buried our lifeless criticisms of incarceration, the four of us’ve said nothing, beyond weary sighs and shifty eyes at the shoddy fit of the box of yellow pine featuring only an ancient prisoner ID# in flat-black paint. Of a sudden, clouds rend for a paternal sun, peering down to impart a gentle wisdom: at the four corners where meet Ignorance and Knowledge, Brutality and Culture, we will find the merciful dignity with which to treat our honored dead. Noses rebelling against musts of labor and mortality upon lowering him into the cold ground, our spades direct an onomatopoeia of dirt pattering onto the box, lending this prisoner, this man his final voice— ha-rumpf ... ha-rumpf ... ha-rumpf— to continue in death the path he chose in life; he who would refuse all who would refuse him.
2.
In My Cell 04:19
Forty books, mostly poetry, religion, or politics. Four times the number I’m allowed. A Smith Corona Wordsmith 250 that will sometimes, while printing, go inexplicably berserk. Appellate briefs, legal work from my own little war of attrition: The State vs. Michael Owens. Old letters from loved ones, some who left to join the ancestors, some who just left. And of course, my guilt, always in the periphery of my vision, weighing down the air.
3.
Old Songs 04:26
Old songs carry suitcases. And decades. Visit from a time Where life Didn’t matter much. A time with no foresight Or appreciation for the little things. I was there On the underside Of an overcast Gray sky Walking Nowhere Hands in pockets My eyes In the dirt. A younger guy And it hurt. Because I never saw this far Ahead. Never saw myself So behind. Was I closing my eyes Or just stupid? I was there In my ex-girlfriend’s room The sound of clothes Going into a duffle bag Playing through the speakers. I was headed Nowhere And those bags found me here. Too bad songs can’t Change the past. Change direction. If they could I would Point my feet toward Resurrection. I wouldn’t be typing this today. At least not in this way. I wouldn’t have forgotten what it’s like to get up And walk Wherever I want. Be able to eat With nobody Watching me. Did I notice it then: The freedom I had To be Or do anything? I just hope The next suitcase Will find me Somewhere. We’ll see—in ten years.
4.
Greed 03:16
I would never have believed that I’d awake one day in a lonely cell, having stripped myself of everything precious that I’d always taken for granted by shaking a fist at my creator for ending the suffering of my beloved in a way other than I’d imagined while on my knees; awaiting transport to a place no one belongs, except to the state, whose main concern is the bottom line; bodies for which they receive top dollar, but never humans, never souls, never mothers whose lives have been nothing more than a series of tragic events, and are now doomed to walk this journey through the wilderness with no prophet to lead, no cloud by day or fire by night to prevent the aimless wander of the hopelessly exhausted, desperate to be anywhere but here; or destined— and placed, precisely on this map, at this point— a testament that it doesn’t have to end here, that life’s treasure chest of grace, hope, and redemption can be uncovered if we don’t stop digging.
5.
Poesy 03:02
It’s the wail of the wounded; forsaken— a burden, but for the breaks between the lines. The blood shed, beautifully inked onto the page, purged by the channel of tears. It’s the battle between flesh and spirit, victory claimed by the banner of surrender. It’s embracing the truth of the scar; releasing the shame owned by the self with whom you’re no longer acquainted. It’s breaking the chains and shaking that gorilla off your back, picking up the pieces and patching the holes in your heart. It’s the wonder of discovering strength in the moments of weakness, comfort in the unbearable truth. It’s forbidding rage to dictate anything more than the pressure of the point on the page. It’s sharing the secrets we can’t afford to keep, displaying the profound irrationality of our thought processes; giving the madness a voice when we refuse to listen to the silence. It’s the blueprints for our hopes and dreams. It chronicles the attempts of the adversary and the tales of courage. It’s that what you see in the rearview is the only hope for the future.
6.
i let da die cast and lay its all bena gamble i bet half my scramble days tween earnin keep and lonely nights my last might gon strum dis here riggidy guitar gots no home gots no star up dere in dat black canopy nope i laffs jokes be good fo ones widda funnybone saw george price’s woman one come ovuh from missippi she say leroy play me a song dis ol man wits be quick like a match strike an if george gon be unda henry work truck imma tuck her in widda tune that make old lovers wonna see if covers still get warm afta all dat time strange i had range dis episode take proly 3–4 hours drank lil nap ya know aint ben in no bed so roomy maw on my paw always say outta dey 13 kids i da chile who cheese slid of da cracka i makes her moan george come home dat white woman scream get dis nigga off me! his hands wenna wrenchin now im in chicago
7.
And photos. Photos of me and my new wife. He’s asking for pictures of the wedding. He’s very sorry he couldn’t make it. He can’t wait to meet her. My brother is asking if I can call a warehouse office in Albuquerque and tell them Ray (his cellie) is fine, and that Ray would like his old job back, one day, if possible. My brother is asking for paper, asking for postage stamps, and for a few dollars on his JPay. It’s June, it’s July. He says it’s not so bad in here, says he’s not getting institutionalized, won’t get institutionalized, not like the others. He has TV. He reads. A lot. My brother is asking for book 5, 6, or 12 of the Women’s Murder Club Series. It’s May. It’s March. It’s May. It’s October. Happy Halloween, Brother. He’s asking, again, for postage stamps, telling me he might be programmed, sure, but who isn’t? We all need routine, he says that one time, after chow, they let the guys stay out a little longer and the guys looked at each other like why aren’t we being locked down yet? My brother says he’s a confused mouse sometimes. Sometimes he won’t go out for rec, can’t stand the fact that it’s going to end. It’s June. It’s July. Happy Birthday, Brother. My brother is asking for stamps, he’s ending every letter with a cartoon of himself, all homeboyed out, even though he wasn’t like that before. It’s like he’s grown an extra life in there and the Him I grew up knowing is closed until not-this August. I know I shouldn’t imagine him this way. But I will always be younger and looking up. That’s my brother, he’s asking for stamps. Outside, the leaves have turned without notice. It is the week when every walnut seems to be falling from the sky, and every time I drive home I run as many over as possible. It’s June. Happy Birthday. It’s November. My brother says he’ll write when he can, he knows I’m busy. Everyone’s busy. It’s August. It’s August, and he’s looking for stamps.
8.
Suddenly nobody knows where you are. You’re just a memory, an echo, an idea thin as smoke. Your last text, call, letter, Facebook post— only footprints in the surf. Your edges blur and you become a friend’s story, a lover’s history. Initially, you beat against the panes in set-aside frames begging to be taken out and rolled into motion once more. But after a second winter, then a third, and fourth, there comes something serene and warm behind the haze that smokes the broken hourglass. Something new and just for you. This world belongs to you and yours and when you glance back and recall your life’s movement with a sigh of days gone by, you are irrevocably comforted having become that final exhale that hangs in the air after the passing. You pose and hold it. We are all the dead. I am not apart from you for long, except for breath, except for everything.
9.
Whisper me a secret lyric grind the melody with my bones let the wind from the trumpet scatter the ash for miles winner’s prize in loser’s grip empty me with tease o’ sleaze bankrupt emotions in debt there’s no play left I dropped a tear in the coin slot gambled it away on games did you make then break the rule we both played but you cashed out

about

This collection of songs was composed around poems sourced from Poetry Magazine February 2021 issue, "The Practice of Freedom" Volume 217, Number 5. Guest edited by Joshua Bennett, Tara Betts, and Sarah Ross.

credits

released June 9, 2023

All words credited to the authors. All music composed and recorded by Dan Sullivan with additional recording by Keith Hanlon and Brok Mende as noted. Mixed and mastered by Brok Mende at Friends of Friends Recording, Chicago, IL. Other performers as noted: Rob Bochnik, Andy Hall, Chad Kouri and Glen Hansard. Produced by Dan Sullivan and Keith Hanlon. Album art by Tom Colley, layout by Chad Kouri.

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NadNavillus Chicago, Illinois

Equal parts guitar and vocal driven, sonically and structurally diverse, Nad Navillus is the music of Dan Sullivan.

Two releases on Jagjaguwar "Show Your Face" (JAG037) and "Iron Night" (051) proceed the latest album "Forgotten Portraits".
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